I don’t want to feel anymore.

I’am Happy.

Why is it so hard to be just “HAPPY”?

There is always pain, sorrow, loneliness, depressions and frustrations after the happiness.

All I wanted was to be happy and yet cannot be. Those mixed feelings that I am feeling right now makes me want to kill myself to runaway.

I don’t know what to do anymore.

I don’t want to feel anymore.

You’re just curious and not inlove.

Stalking becomes my habit when it comes to you. After a long time of waiting it feels like my heart was about to burst. You’re still giving me that heartbeat, that beat of longing. You make me smile like an idiot by just posting a picture of yours. There was a time when I thought about everything that we will be if we’ve been together. The thought of it makes me blushed. As I scrolled down the page I tried to memorize everything about the new you. What if’s keep coming through my mind. And the hopes gets worse and then I become selfish. So selfish that I can say that I’m not inlove anymore. I’m just dreaming so wide awake out of curiosity with you. 

Atras. Abante.

Ako lang ba o sadyang mahirap magadjust? Yung tipong lahat ng galaw, sabihin o kaya naman pati iisipin pa lang dapat lagyan na ng restriction. Yung ito na dating normal mong ginagawa at sinasabi na ngayon ay dapat mo munang pagisipan ng hindi lang isa kung hindi mga sampung beses pa. 

Damn, bakit parang tila ang kumplikado na ng pagpasok sa isang relasyon? Sa ilang taon na pagiging malaya ay hindi ko na mabago pa ang lahat. Bakit ba ang tingin ko sa affection at oras na dapat kong ibigay ay isang requirements? Na pati ang pagsasabi ng I love you too ay isang responsibilidad. 

May pagkakataon pa na hindi ko alam kung tunay nga ba ang nararamdaman ko o dahil lang sa bagong pakiramdam ito sa akin. Mga salitang hindi mo na pwedeng bawiin lalo na at committed ka na. 

Sa puntong ito naiintindihan ko na sya. Naiintindihan ko na kung bakit nagbago ang kanyang isip at mas pinili ang magisa kaysa makasama ako. 

11pm thoughts

Yeah, I believe that there’s nothing impossible with God. What I worry is my own self. My feelings toward that someone and I hope that feelings won’t change.

Resignation Letter

From the day I said yes was the day I began writing letters for you. You have touched my heart that it only speaks for beautiful words. You speak to me with warm sentences that melts my heart out. And just as I thought it will never get cold but my heart starts to speak to you with sadness.

Many times I asked myself “what happened to us?” Because to you, things are normal as it was before but to me it was a drastic and ugly kind of chance that made me felt like I was bronze and not gold anymore.

Love, If there’s one thing I want you to do, I’d ask you to let me go. I don’t want to wait for the day that this love with turn into hatred. I found myself asking for happiness because the way you treated me was like fireworks in the sky, shines brightly at first but only at first.

I love you but you’re no longer giving me love but pain and it hurts. I don’t wanna stay anymore not because I’m tired but because you gave me reason that I should be better off alone. I love you but I have to give myself a chance to be happy because she deserves to be and maybe I am just a good lesson to be learned.

Please let me go.